Time? Money? Beauty? Education, career, children? A clean house, a hot meal? A business wardrobe or sweats? A reliable, predictable spouse or an exciting, spontaneous pain-in-the ass?
When we get exciting, we long for reliable when living in the moment bears its consequences. When predictable gets boring, we need some spicing up. We want our sweats when the blisters ache from heels. We want heels when we look in the mirror and see the sweats. We want money when we’re home all day broke, we want to be home all day when we’re exhausted from being out making money. We want freedom when the children wear us out, we want the children when we feel lonely. We wish we worked out when shopping for new jeans, but we like being happily married and not giving a fiddler’s fart about the 10 pounds most days.
We want the house to be clean and organized, but we overschedule leaving no time.
One thing comes at the cost of another. That’s the way life works, and I can tell by the way I live mine that there is no “one” way for me. No one and only permanent trajectory that I shall never veer from. I have commitment issues, for sure, and I recognize that. I’m working through it. But for all the grief my ever-changing mind has brought me, the one thing it has not is regret. at 37, I feel like my mind has been on a journey around the world. I never close doors on ideas, I never think I can’t change or fix what isn’t working, I never feel like I’m going to miss out. I’ve done a good job raising my kids, and aside from that everything else is an open book.
My heart is open, my mind os open, and I have an awesome family to share my life with. I don’t see it as ever giving up one thing for another, just a constant reorganization of EVERYTHING to keep things from getting too lopsided.
Right now home and hearth are calling for my attention, and I am happy to be able to give it. For a while.